Organizations are discovering that exceptional leadership requires so much more than leadership skills, knowledge and experience. It requires mastery of a unique competence that, it turns out, many people lack. Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, is becoming one of the most important and sought after skill sets today. Check out a few of these potent quotes.

When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life. ~Tara Meyer Robson

If you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in other people. ~Daniel Goleman

Emotional intelligence, more than any other factor, more than IQ, or expertise, accounts for 85% to 90% of success at work…. IQ is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn’t make you a star. Emotional Intelligence can. Warren Bennis

If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far. Daniel Goleman

The problem many leaders face is that we understand the general idea of emotional intelligence, but we struggle grasping the specifics of what it is, whether we have it and how to strengthen it in our own lives.  It’s similar to IQ or our intellectual quotent. Most of us don’t really know how smart we are. We think and hope we lean toward brilliance, but it’s very possible we fall quite short of that expectation. The same can hold true with emotional intelligence. Consequently, we are often left scratching our heads, hoping but not really knowing if we have it or not.

That said, studies indicate that EQ is very different from IQ in one important way. While IQ tends to grow more static and inflexible the older we get, emotional intelligence can be learned and improved on throughout our lives. However, it can also require tremendous effort and commitment, especially for those who already possess a low EQ.

I recently read the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. It is an exceptional introduction to this topic and a practical tool for helping leaders enhance EQ. The book explains the four skills of EQ, then explores dozens of strategies individuals can use to strengthen each skill. I highly recommend it!

EQ IN A NUTSHELL

Following is a quick overview of the four skills as outlined in the book. I use these on a regular basis to explain the concept of Emotional Intelligence to others. I trust you find it helpful as well.

SKILL #1: Self-Awareness

“Self-awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations.” Bradberry & Greaves

Note that self-awareness is more than just emotions. It also involves an understanding of your tendencies, which can include your actions, behaviors and responses in various settings. This personal competence is all about information. Understanding, or being ‘aware’ of yourself. 

EXAMPLES OF EXCEPTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS:

• Knowing why you feel happiness, anger, sadness, fear or joy, whenever you experience some form of those particular emotions. Awareness of the triggers that lead you down one or more of those emotional paths.
• Recognizing your expressions and non-verbals in various settings. For example, perhaps you slouch when you sit, scowl when you are thinking, walk fast or talk slow, etc.
• Knowing how your personality, perceptions and past experiences impact your choices, habits and worldview. 
   

SKILL #2: Self-Management

“Self-management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions {and tendencies} to actively choose what you say and do.” Bradberry & Greaves

Once you have a clear understanding of what makes you tick, you are empowered to do something about it. While self-awareness is a passive skill that focuses on information gathering, self-management is an active skill focusing on your specific responses to what you have learned about yourself.

EXAMPLES OF EXCEPTIONAL SELF-MANAGEMENT:

• Able to separate emotion from reason, allowing for greater clarity of thinking when making decisions or interacting with others.
• Changing personal habits or tendencies that you find unpleasant. For example, electing to smile more often, walk with more confidence or slouch while sitting.
• Capable of controlling negative emotions (ex. anger, fear or anxiety) so they do not distract or derail your actions, attitudes and behaviors.
   

SKILL #3: Social Awareness

“Social awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them. This often means perceiving what other people are thinking and feeling even if you do not feel the same way.” Bradberry & Greaves

It is very difficult, if not impossible, to build this skill when individuals are weak in self-awareness and self-management skills. That said, social awareness allows leaders to serve others with excellence because they have a better grasp on what makes them tick. This is also a critical skill when working with groups of people, either as a team leader or public speaker. 

EXAMPLES OF EXCEPTIONAL SOCIAL AWARENESS:

• Utilizing active listening skills, you know how to focus on others, ask great questions and understand what they are actually trying to communicate. This minimizes confusion and miscommunication in the relationship.
• Able to step into other’s shoes and discern what they may be thinking or feeling. 
• Proficient in reading body language and facial expressions, which together equal 93% of what is being communicated.
   

SKILL #4: Relationship Management

“Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. This ensures clear communication and effective handling of conflict.” Bradberry & Greaves

This skill is very reliant on the strength and capacity of the other three emotional intelligence skills. Like self-management, it is an active skill that is used to build trust, strengthen rapport and form authentic relationships with others. 

EXAMPLES OF EXCEPTIONAL RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT: 

• Able to solicit, receive and give meaningful feedback to and from others.
• Knowing how to engage in healthy confrontations that lead to restoration and results.
• Widely proficient in communication skills (verbal & non-verbal), engaging others in purposeful conversations that lead to mutually beneficial outcomes.
• Capable of building trust with individuals and teams.
   

What can you do this week to strengthen one or more Emotional Intelligence skills? 
     Hint: get the book!

Amazon Affiliate Notice: I receive commissions for purchases made through links in this post.